Children Drink All of Their Fathers’ Emotions

 

                                If you want your children to feel loved, love their mother

                                                                   -Bob Rannigan

 

As fathers we embody the response to our children’s lives.  Healthy, clear thinking men prioritize their children’s health and development.  Considering where and how our children are nourished, we inevitably come to their mothers.  All children drink from the stream of their mothers’ lives.  Our relationship with our children’s mother is a constant influence in our children’s lives.

Many fathers believe naively that their resentment, indifference or hidden anger don’t influence their children.  What this kind of thinking ignores is the invisible, life-supporting necessity of our children’s physical and emotional attachment to both their parents.   Any wrinkles in the fabric of the parents’ live become wrinkles in the children’s lives.  If you carry ANY dark thoughts or feelings for your children’s mother, your children are carrying it too.

Imagine you are standing in a flowing stream, with our child downstream from us.  The water flowing by carries our essence to our children, and there’s nothing we can do to stop that.  As fathers we entered the stream of our children’s mothers, mentally, emotionally, physically. This is a lifetime influence.  Fathers in their later years share their feelings with their children as simply as someone who just walked up to you smelling of woodsmoke.     Each thought and feeling we entertain, for as long as we entertain it, is part of  the stream of conscious life flowing through our children.

In my counseling practice most if not all children of  separating, conflicted parents make this statement:  “I just want them to get along…….why can’t they be nice to each other?”

Loving our children’s mothers beyond courting is a parenting mandate which most men must work hard at following.  Once the shine and fun disappear, loving our parenting partners becomes a daily skill building task requiring discipline. Like eating, exercise, rest, this area of ongoing emotions for our families must be prioritized if we are to do it well.  Putting our children first brings us again and again to the importance of loving their mom.

How did your father demonstrate love for your mom?  Is your relationship with your children’s mother coming from a disciplined thought and feeling place?  Are you bypassing resentment, fear, isolation, blame, hostility?   Do you practice appreciation and acceptance of your child’s mother when you are not with her?

If we don’t appreciate and accept, we feel emotional difficulty.  Consider this for a moment.  Have you any emotional difficulty with your child’s mother that was appreciative?  Accepting?

Pay attention to your feelings and you’ll notice immediate feedback to your thinking.   When we think accepting and appreciating thoughts we feel good.  When our thinking is resisting or rejecting, we poison the stream nurturing our children.   Watch your thoughts.  In your clear moments, when you are benevolent and kind, write down a statement affirming your love for your child, and include that child’s mother.  Carry it with you.  Repeat it.  Accept the power and joy of your own choice now.